The Conversations We Need to Have With Our Ageing Parents

The following article is by Kim Potgieter, Certified Financial Planner, author and coach; who gives us some valuable insight into money management strategies that can help provide information for South Africans achieve financial freedom:

We talk to our children about values, money, and planning for the future. But how many of us have done the same with our parents? As parents grow older, many of us start to wonder. Do they have everything in place? Are they financially secure? What happens if something goes wrong? Do we know what matters most to them? And do they have a plan, not just for one day, but for how they want to live now?

These conversations are not always easy to begin, but they are some of the most important we will ever have as families.

Why these conversations matter

Too often, families avoid talking about money until there’s a crisis. For many of our parents, money is personal. It carries emotions like pride, fear, uncertainty, or even guilt. In some families, especially among the older generation, money wasn’t something people spoke about openly – not even with each other. I’ve sat with couples where, only in the planning meeting, one spouse hears for the first time what the other earns.

Often, adult children don’t have a full picture of their parents’ financial situation or plans for the years ahead. And as children build lives of their own, sometimes in different cities or countries, it becomes even harder to know what support their parents may need as time goes on.

These conversations are not just about what happens one day. They are about understanding what your parents want, helping them feel supported, and creating peace of mind for the family.

How to approach the conversation 

The most important thing is to approach the conversation with care. It’s not about taking control but listening to your parent’s wishes and offering support where needed.

Including siblings or other family members can help avoid misunderstandings and ensure everyone is on the same page. When expectations are clear, it’s easier to honour your parents’ wishes and avoid conflict later.

The essential planning questions

You don’t need to cover everything at once. Start gently, and let your parents share what they feel comfortable with. Some of the important topics to explore include:

• Do you have a valid and updated will? Who are the executors?
• Where are your important documents kept? This includes wills, powers of attorney, living wills, letters of wishes, bank accounts, passwords, and key contacts.)
• Have you appointed someone to make decisions on your behalf if you can no longer do so?
• Have you spoken about your wishes for medical care if you can’t make those decisions? For example, life support, resuscitation, or specific care preferences?
• Have you thought about the legacy you wish to leave? 

Financial planning conversations 

You might start by asking open-ended questions to understand how your parents feel about their financial position:

• Do you feel confident that you have enough for your needs?
• Are you comfortable with your budget and the way your money is working for you?
• Is your financial plan still suited to your life stage and future goals?
• Do you have adequate medical aid, gap cover, and plans for long-term or frail care?
• Do you work with a financial planner – and would you be open to introducing them to the family?

If areas need attention, starting the conversation allows time to find solutions and make necessary adjustments.

Balance and wellbeing

Many parents have spent decades saving, providing for others, and putting their own needs last. Even in retirement, some still feel the need to preserve their money for future generations.

These conversations are a chance to reassure your parents that this is their time. The greatest gift is seeing them use what they have to create comfort, experiences, and memories that bring them joy.

It’s also a time to talk about what makes them feel happy, connected, and fulfilled. You may ask:

• What does a good life look like for you right now?
• What brings you joy, meaning and purpose?
• Are there things you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet made time for?

Living fully now is just as important as planning for the future.

Identity and work – knowing when to step back

For many, work has provided structure, meaning, and identity for decades. Letting go can feel like a loss. Help your parents reimagine retirement as a time of purpose – what they are retiring to, not just from. Talk about possible new roles to embrace – as mentors, learners, volunteers, adventurers?

Plan for the ‘What Ifs’

Some conversations may feel uncomfortable, but they help ensure that important decisions don’t have to be made during a crisis:

• What if one partner passes away?
• What if one becomes ill or needs long-term care?
• Would you want to move, downscale, or remain in your home?
• Are there preferences for where and how you’d like to live in later years?

The more open these conversations are, the more confident everyone feels about the road ahead. The greatest gift you can give your parents, and yourself, is the peace of mind that comes from knowing plans are in place. If you need support, a financial planner can help guide these discussions carefully and objectively, ensuring that the practical and emotional aspects are thoughtfully considered. For more information, visit the Chartered Wealth website.