For years we’ve been told that the only thing dudes have to do to satisfy their side of any gifting situation is to remember that it exists at all. That’s it. If you forget, you’re in the dogbox. If you remember, you’re all good. The problem is that just remembering isn’t good enough anymore.
Too many of us good okes are showing up at the door of our beloved with lame gifts that fail to accomplish goals of flattery.
If you’ve given any of the following gifts, here’s what your spouse, partner girlfriend, friendzoner, friend-with-benefits, or stalkee is hearing*:
Bottle of perfume bought at 30,000ft:
“The first time I thought about you on my trip was on my way back.”
Petrol station flowers:
“I was picking up some cigarettes and suddenly felt horny. Fortunately, these daises go well with the condoms I bought.”
A card from those little pink shops that just won’t die:
“Here. YOU throw this away.”
A gift voucher:
“I listened to you one time, but not very closely.”
Good gifts take careful thought. They take time. They require insight into the mysterious female mind. So, basically, it’s hopeless.
Fortunately, Tidy & Co. exists. It’s a gifting website with a super-intelligent recommendation algorithm that helps you find the perfect gift.
Think of Tidy & Co. as that chick you ask for advice about your chick.
You just give the website your lady’s age, level of femininity, level of outdoorsiness, and a couple of other things, and you’ll get a bunch of great recommendations that (and this is crucial) are not the same old tat you can find in Clicks or Edgars. This stuff is good, it gets delivered overnight, and they’ll even gift wrap it for you if you’ve got stupid man-hands.
Tidy & Co. has the perfect gift for new-age girls who love yoga, Crossfit girls who can asphyxiate you with their thighs, and cougars who like gifts with batteries (if you know what we mean). There’s something for high-heeled girls, boot-heeled girls, well-heeled girls, and shoeless hippy girls. So go to www.tidyandco.com now and your squeeze will go from:
“No, I really like it. Nothing’s wrong…”
“You’re calling in sick to work tomorrow on account of sexual exhaustion. And we’re going to need a new bed.”
There. We’ve just significantly increased the chances of you getting lucky on birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine’s Day. And there’s no reason to stop there. We also recommend getting lucky on:
Freedom (to try new positions) Day.
Workers’ (more like Work It) Day.
Easter (egg joke here).
Halloween (Aw yeah. Costume play).
International Talk Like A Pirate Day (Give some booty to get some booty)