Infamous movie director Uwe Boll has given up with Hollywood (which is more of a blessing than anything else, to be fair), and following his internet rant that made him look like a complete bafoon, we decided to look at his worst big-screen endeavours over the years:
Alone in the dark (2005)
A film adaptation at least has to be loosely based around the original subject matter, but 2005’s Alone in the Dark didn’t really understand this. Instead of creepy mansions and ghoulish creatures, we got Tara Reid and Christian Slater running around a museum being chased by an Alien lookalike. The only evil thing in this film, is the film itself.
Uwe Boll also then decided to translate the vampire action game, BloodRayne, into a feature film, with not such great results. Loosely based on the games, BloodRayne starred Kristanna Loken as Rayne, a human/vampire hybrid, along with Michael Madsen and Michelle Rodriguez, whose lines will make you cringe from start to finish. To say the movie was hated would be an understatement and not even Kristanna Loken’s nude scenes and action sequences could save this fun-sucker.
House of the Dead (2003)
Boll seems to have a knack of making sub-mediocre video game adaptations, but he doesn’t care. Everyone’s favorite arcade shooter from SEGA was another of Boll’s targets. The thin plot of the game didn’t leave much to work worth, but at least it was fun. Boll didn’t include any of these and the film represents a zombified version of ‘Whack-a-mole’. If you’re a zombie yourself and have no brains, you might have a laugh watching it.
A movie based on Running with Scissors’ mass-murder game Postal was always going to be a bad idea, but that didn’t stop Boll from making it. The movie, as expected, is sexually-charged, racially insensitive and a complete waste of an hour and a half. Boll mistakes shock for satire and crudity for cleverness in this desperately unfunny movie. Rather watch God Bless America.
Far Cry (2008)
The name is just begging for puns to be made, but we’re better than that (not really). The film was a far cry from the quality of Ubisoft’s game franchise, replacing the game’s clever action premise with mindless violence with no real point. The lead actress is terrible and Til Schweiger is too good an actor to be wasting his time with nonsense like this. He must’ve lost a bet.